Thanks for a good article. One thought: Pros of giving up on these people: It feels more peaceful, and you don’t have to worry about having arguments or being upset by their opinions. You don’t have to put in the extra work of maintaining a friendship with someone who isn’t as easy to get along with. All of your friends will be people who validate you and agree with you. The first two are uncompelling, maybe pointedly uncompelling, and the third is actually a con. But I can think of another pro: You stop validating and dignifying someone who may be committing or supporting atrocities. Suppose the governor of Louisiana is photographed every weekend playing golf with David Duke. Can the governor justify it by saying that Duke is his friend and he doesn't want to give up on him? No, he should stop it. You speak a little later of psychologically-unhealthy friendships, but there are also socially-unhealthy friendships, and we should guard the health of society. As regards the specifics of how to apply this in one's personal life, and whether it makes a difference if one is not in as prominent a role-model position as a governor is, we would almost have to talk about it case by case. But I think there is a valid principle here that we should hold onto. There are cases where we should stop validating and dignifying.
Pros of giving up on these people:
It feels more peaceful, and you don’t have to worry about having arguments or being upset by their opinions.
You don’t have to put in the extra work of maintaining a friendship with someone who isn’t as easy to get along with.
All of your friends will be people who validate you and agree with you.
The first two are uncompelling, maybe pointedly uncompelling, and the third is actually a con. But I can think of another pro:
You stop validating and dignifying someone who may be committing or supporting atrocities.
Suppose the governor of Louisiana is photographed every weekend playing golf with David Duke. Can the governor justify it by saying that Duke is his friend and he doesn't want to give up on him? No, he should stop it.
You speak a little later of psychologically-unhealthy friendships, but there are also socially-unhealthy friendships, and we should guard the health of society.
As regards the specifics of how to apply this in one's personal life, and whether it makes a difference if one is not in as prominent a role-model position as a governor is, we would almost have to talk about it case by case. But I think there is a valid principle here that we should hold onto. There are cases where we should stop validating and dignifying.